Dragoon

Sometimes mystic researchers make the assumption that because the ancient world worshiped a Dragon - that the Dragon is somehow God. As if they got it right BECAUSE they are ancient. Kinda comes from that belief about respecting your elders. Or maybe its a remnant of ancestor worship. To the "Pagans" the snake is a symbol of wisdom. To the Abrahamic people the snake is a symbol of evil. So which one of them are correct? Both institutions have their faults. Neither has a perfect track record. I also realize that Christianity and Paganism are broad labels. 

Its really hot outside and I am really enjoying it. Its very relaxing I want to live in hot weather. Suzhou was hot - I mean I was there in the summertime but I dont think the winters get very bad at all. I want to live in a city that has a tropical climate. Sounds like I should move to Florida. But the wildlife - I think - would freak me out. There was a mouse in my house for a couple of days this week. I had to kill it. I feel horrible about it - but I reminded myself that I eat meat, and that animals are sort of servants or something for humans. That is, they're here for us, in a way. Just like I've been for narcissistic jerks sometimes, in the past.

I really am not enjoying life right now. I mean this moment is pretty okay. I can hear the frogs outside. The fan is going. The heat is on outside. Its quiet. I am typing on my laptop and I just turned on my new phone. I feel kinda pretty, kinda chill. I'm about to roll a cigarette. So this moment is okay, but life overall has been very tedious and depressing.  I just broke up with my bf, I have been struggling with money, I'm about to start side hustle number 2 - basically job number 3. I just had to kill a mouse - actually I dont know if its dead yet but it probably will be soon if its not already. I caught it and threw it away, and then I missed the damn trash man because it took me so long to put that damn mouse in the trash because I was freaking out - and now the trash is outside on my back porch/the roof - and the fucking mouse is probably in their suffocating and miserable. I still have a few mouse traps down on the ground. I'm sure it gets easier...fucking wish I had a boyfriend in these moments. Men should be the ones dealing with mice.

I feel antisocial. I only hang out with an old ex of mine, and my family. Otherwise I just chill alone an dream. I love my apartment and I love my own company, but its strange. When I was in my twenties, living in the Big City - I was always running around with friends, and getting into shenanigans. Now I just am alone, letting go. I'm not mad at it, its just strange. I also dont necessarily get along with my coworkers. I mean I get along with them fine but, I dont feel like we're friends. I just want to meet people that are like me. I know that sounds selfish but I dont care. I want people like me.